


Apropos of Nothing

by BlueMoonHound



Series: Pipesstuck [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F, F/M, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Illustrated, pesterlogs, pipesstuck, terezi is a little ooc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-23
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-04 04:26:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10983366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueMoonHound/pseuds/BlueMoonHound
Summary: You laugh again. You can't help being a little hysterical at the thought of your own death, even if you deserve it.





	1. Little Potter Boy

**Author's Note:**

> if you have questions, my tumblr is bluemoonhound! or you can just ask them here :p

– gallowsCalibrator [gc] began trolling caligulasAquarium [ca] ! –

GC: H3Y  
GC: 1 KNOW YOUR3 TH3R3 3R1D4N  
CA: are you gonna kill me  
GC: WOW HOW TH3 ST4LW4RT R3CLUS3 JUMPS TO W1LD CONCLUS1ONS  
CA: i dont knoww it seems like a pretty accurate depiction of the opinions goin around lately most people wwant me dead  
GC: ST1LL  
GC: H4V3 1 3V3R SHOWN YOU 1LL W1LL?  
CA: yes  
GC: TH4TS B3S1D3 TH3 PO1NT  
GC: WH3N 1S POTT3R BOY GO1NG TO COM3 OUT OF H1S CUPBO4RD 4ND PL4Y?  
CA: nevver  
CA: id get sawwn in half if i tried  
CA: also stop callin me the potter boy im not a wwizard magic isnt real  
GC: HOW D1D YOU SURV1V3 1F M4G1C 1SNT R34L?  
CA: a lotta bullshit and a cat girl wwhat did you think  
GC: LOG1C4L  
GC: YOU SHOULD R34LLY COM3 OUT THOUGH  
CA: kan wwill kill me  
GC: F1GHT H3R  
CA: i dont wwant anyone to die  
CA: i cant fight her closerange cause shes got a chainsaww and all my longrange wweapons are fuckin deadly  
CA: so  
CA: no  
GC: JUST GO D13 TH3N  
CA: no  
CA: im sick an cold an tired an yea im a shitty ass fuckin troll and i kinda deservve it but it sure as fuck doesnt make me feel any better an i hear vvriska up there talkin awway wwith them like she didnt stab tavvros through the chest WWITH NO PROVVOCATION an im just achin man, i feel absolutely fuckin shockin.  
GC: TH3N GO F1GHT VR1SK4  
GC: DO 1T  
CA: i dont wwwaannna  
CA: i dont wwanna kill anyone didnt i get that clear enough on the fuckin table yeah i wwas a shitty person on alternia wwho kinda wwanted to bloww up half his race and yea i havvent gotten much better in the past feww months but can you fuckin RESPECT THAT I AM NOT GOIN TO KILL ANYBODY?  
GC: LOOK 4T YOURS3LF  
GC: MOP1NG 1N 4 V3NT  
GC: SO MUCH FOR ROY4LTY  
CA: yea wwell maybe this is better than killin my fuckin friends i dont mind a little grovvelin as long as no one fuckin DIES  
GC: HOW TH3 H3LL D1D W3 M4K3 1T TH1S F4R  
CA: i dont knoww  
CA: i dont knoww i dont knoww i dont knoww i dont knoww  
GC: C4LM DOWN  
CA: i feel vvery little regret about killin the clowwn to be honest  
CA: killed sevveral terezis  
CA: an he littered anywway  
GC: 1 H4DNT CONS1D3R3D TH4T  
GC: YOU SP3ND 4 LOT OF T1ME 1N TH3 DR34M BUBBL3S DONT YOU  
GC: WOW 1TS L1K3 OUR 3NT1R3 P4RTY 1S US1NG SLURRY TO FONDL3 OUR HORNS  
CA: that analogy makes no sense wwhy wwould i use a buncha slurry to fondle my horns wwhen i can just bang them against the wwall till i get a headache  
GC: BECAUS3 YOU 4R3 STUP1D 4ND TH3 1D34 G1V3S M3 PL34SURE  
GC: SO MUCH PL34SUR3 1 FUCK UP MY QU1RK  
GC: GR34T  
CA: im not sure if that should make me laugh or wwince  
GC: 1T SHOULD M4K3 YOU CRY B3C4US3 YOU 4R3 GONN4 D13 L1K3 4N 1D1OT  
CA: are you  
CA: pitchflirtin' wwith me  
GC: 3R1D4N  
GC: NO  
CA: wwhat the fuck are you doin then  
CA: and wwhy the fuck does it bring you pleasure?  
GC: S4D1ST1C PL34SUR3 YOU MORON  
CA:.... isnt that wwhat blackrom is  
GC: BL4RGH  
CA: vvriska used to stick her fingers in my gills till they bled because she thought it wwas funny  
CA: so  
CA: me rubbin slurry on my horns is pretty fuckin vvanilla  
CA: and you definately aint redflirting wwith me  
GC: ER1D4N TH4TS NOT BL4CKROM TH4TS JUST R34LLY FUCK3D UP  
CA: fuck im so tired  
GC: WHY WOULD SH3 DO TH4T  
CA: vvriska has a lot to deal wwith  
CA: *had  
CA: lusus is dead  
GC: TH4T DO3SNT CH4NG3 TH3 L3V3L OF FUCK3D UP TH4T 1S  
CA: she could be wworse. Could be me  
GC: DO YOU F1NG3R P3OPL3S G1LLS  
CA: i mean  
CA: ivve nevver done it no and i dont really wwant to either  
GC: 3X4CTLY  
CA: but thats not the point ivve killed twwice as many friends as vvriska has  
GC: 1TS NOT 4 CONT3ST YOUR3 4LL SH1TTY H1GHBLOODS  
CA: im not contestin you nookdestroyer  
CA: thats an insult that makes sense bceause i am tired and do not care  
GC: M1GHT 4S W3LL SL33P YOUR3 GONN4 B3 D34D SOON 4NYW4Y  
CA: a feww months if listenin in on davve is anythin to judge by  
GC: WH4T TH3 H3LL DO3S H3 KNOW  
CA: knowws a lot more'n me im a fuckin prince of hope wwhat do i knoww? oh yea! fuckin nofin is wwhat i dont knowww w w a single gloddamn thing,  
GC: 1M A FUCK1NG S33R DO3SNT M34N 1 KNOW SH1T  
CA: at least seer of mind is fuckin cool  
CA: ivve seen god tier eridans  
CA: ass pants  
CA: ASS PANTS  
GC: 4ND M1N3 1SNT BULLSH1T?  
CA: shit i  
CA: i  
CA: startin to see shit  
GC: S33 WH4T  
CA: just zonin out im  
CA: vvery tired  
GC: GO TO SL33P  
GC: SL33P W3LL DUMB4SS  
CA: heh  
CA: i wwont but thanks

– gallowsCalibrator [gc] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [ca] ! –


	2. Worse for wear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Terezi trolled me. She wants me to come out.”  
> Nepeta frowns. Her tail twitches under her coat. She finishes sterilizing her needle in an angry jerk.  
> “I still dont think that's wise.”

“Terezi trolled me. She wants me to come out.”

Nepeta frowns. Her tail twitches under her coat. She finishes sterilizing her needle in an angry jerk.

“I still dont think that's wise.”

“I know-w.”

She grins. “You ready?”

“Are you sure you know what you're doing?”  
“Meow do you think I pierced my own ears?”

She doesn't warn you when she jams the thing through your fin.

You have to admit that you cried a little even though you had promised yourself you wouldn't.

You admire your new barbells in the mirror.

 

You'd found the room a few weeks ago.

It's-- well-- deeper than you think ANYONE has gone in the meteor, except you and the Meowrails (as you've taken to calling them, since you interact more with Nepeta and it's the term she uses, it kinda stuck…) and it's somewhere right next to the heart of the place. It's tiny, barely big enough on one side for a 3-seater couch, and square, a perfect cube. The vent leading in is four feet wide and four feet across and right above the couch. There's a door on one side, which leads to a bathroom, surprisingly. Like Skaia knew someone might need this room and fabricated to be nigh inaccessible but definitely habitable.

You stopped wearing your cape around almost as soon as you found it-- it was getting dirty, for one thing, and for another, it catches on the edges of the pipes and makes it hard for you to get anywhere. For a third, it makes a good blanket, but that's less relevant, especially on days when you don't want to risk leading someone down to your safe haven who you don't trust.

(You're scared now, scared that Kan might decide it's worthwhile to cut up Nep or Eq, scared that she'd torture them for a shitbrain like you and that makes you want to walk out in the open more than anything else.)

You're aware that you're panicking, that Kanaya has never shown any ill will to Nepeta or Equius, but you can't help feel scared. You take a breath and try to ignore the way your throat wants to close up. You fiddle with an earring.

They really do look nice.

You stick your tongue between your teeth and giggle. This is all quite ridiculous. Terezi is right though-- it's not going to sort itself out. You have to come out eventually, or at very least die.

You can feel your heart beat in your fingers.

_Calm down, dinglepuss._

Another deep breath. It's not as easy as the last one. You get yourself a glass of water and drink it very fast.

You can do this. You can do this.

You laugh again. You can't help being a little hysterical at the thought of your own death, even if you deserve it.

 

“I, personally, would refrain from interacting with the others.”

you slouch more dramatically against the couch, rolling your head to stare at Equius's ear. “Eq, you refrain from interacting with them _anyway_. You don't even have a _reason_ and you do that.”

“Fair. But I did not murder any of them, and I have interacted with them in the past few weeks.”

“What? When?”

“You recall when I was eksperimenting with my void abilities?”

“Oh right.”

He goes back to …. whatever he's doing. He's got a finger in his hand and a very tiny screwdriver. It doesn't look like he's putting it together, though, it's already assembled. Adjusting settings, maybe?

“Anyfin I can do to help?”

Equius glances at you. He sticks his screwdriver in his mouth and flicks something with his thumb, then turns.

“Could you fetch the smallest phillips screwdriver? In the blue box.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

You fetch the screwdriver and he puts the other one in your hand. You go to put it in the box but he stops you.

“Stay put. I'm not done.”

You chew your lip and stay where you are.

He puts the other screwdriver in your hand and takes the bigger one, messing some more. You realize that they're two different kinds of screwdrivers-- the larger one is a flathead. Why does he need to use two different kinds of screws?

You end up playing gofer with Equius for the rest of the night.

 

– caligulasAquarium [ca] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [ga]! –

CA: hey  
CA: kan  
CA: i knoww youre not on right noww but  
CA: im comin out soon  
CA: i just thought i should tell ya cause  
CA: id really prefer it if you didnt kill me  
CA: i cant stop you, if you really havve to kill me im not gonna stop you  
CA: but like  
CA: i guess hurtin me is fine as long as i wwont die?  
CA: i dont knoww  
CA: just thought id givve you a heads up  
CA: so ya can … i dont knoww… sharpen your chainsaww  
CA: prepare nice bevverages for removvin my bloods shitty aftertaste or somefin  
CA: anywway see you then maybe

– caligulasAquarium  [ca] ceased trolling grimAuxiliatrix  [ga] ! –

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pesterlogs are still hell but it's easier if only 1 person talks... lol.  
> yes! much more plot in this chapter. 3 is the grand finale. See u then!


	3. No Time for Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Mew'll be fine, fishy! Stop glubbing.”  
> “You sound like an unholy combination of yourself and Feferi.”  
> “Whale she IS my matesprit, water you expect?”  
> You scratch behind your fins. “Can you please stop?”  
> “Nope!”  
> “Insufferable. Absolutely insufferable. NO respect whatsoever.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING FOR BLOOD AND VIOLENCE, also this chapter is very very long.

You sneak out in the middle of the day (only humans will be awake, if that, right? It's safe, right?) and carefully make your way to the alchemizer in the kitchen.

In hindsight, you should have picked an alchemizer which wasn't in the kitchen, but oh well. What's the worst that can happen?

Wait.

Kan goes out in the day, right?

Fuck.

You redouble your efforts to be stealthy, remembering the time when Nep tracked you down at a walking pace and cornered you. (She wasn't going to kill you though, she's a huntress though-- irrelevant, Eridan, that's irrelevant, shut up-) You round another corner. The light is off. No one's home.

You breathe a sigh of relief.

You walk across the room as quietly as you can – glad as everloving fuck that you left your coddamn cape behind, to be honest – and punch in the code for grubloaf and… you indulge. You make yourself a mini-grill and some cluckbeast eggs too, while you're here and safe. The sound the alchemizer makes causes you to wince. You captchalouge it all as soon as you can.

You breathe a sigh of relief and go over your mental checklist. Is there anything else you need? Not that you recall, but…. Oh well. The mini grill will help a lot, and Nepeta can steal food as obviously as she likes because no one questions _her_ existence. Though you fear the day she'll just stop helping you. No. Don't think about that. Just get up, get moving, get back to the pipes.

Someone clears their throat behind you.

You jump. You can feel your bloodpusher trying to exit your body through your throat and you whip around. There's no glow, but you're still tense-- oh. It's the Rose human.

Kan's matesprit.

Holy FUCK.

You reach out in a random direction to steady yourself and end up putting an arm on the trunk of the alchemizer. Rose watches you, arms folded.

“waddaya want, Lalonde,” you hiss, somehow managing not to stutter, but your earfins are stuck so firmly to the sides of your head it feels like someone glued them to your hair.

“I want a bag of chips. What do you want? Which one are you anyway? Fins.” she hums. “Murder boy?”

You run, then, tripping over your own feet. You're pretty sure you fall more than once before you make it back to the vent you left from. You take the longest, most complicated route back to your room because – what if she's following you, what if she got Kanaya – and you don't feel the slightest bit safe until you screw closed the vent behind you and lock yourself in the ablutionsblock. You climb into the tub, fill it with water, and take a shuddering breath through your gills, ignoring the way the fresh, mildly toxic tap water stings your system.

You feel dizzy and backwards.

Deep breaths. You're fine. The door's locked. No one's going to find you.

It's not particularly reassuring.

You stand up too quickly and have to kneel over the side of the tub, hiccuping, while your gills empty. When you can finally take a breath of air again you just curl up on the rug and pass the fuck out.

 

“Mew'll be fine, fishy! Stop glubbing.”

“You sound like an unholy combination of yourself and Feferi.”

“Whale she IS my matesprit, water you expect?”

You scratch behind your fins. “Can you please stop?”

“Nope!”

“Insufferable. Absolutely insufferable. NO respect whatsoever.”

“You're one to talk,” someone says behind you – someone gruff, loud, and a head taller than you – with tiny little nubby horns and unbrushed hair and big gray eyes.

“Kar?”

“Don't 'kar' me. You've lost your fucking nickname rights. You lost your nickname rights four perigrees ago, you fucking brinesucker. And no, you cant just fucking apologize and get them back. I don't like you. I want that to be abundantly clear.” He grabs your scarf and you shiver because, holy fuck, he's right in your face with all those weird, jagged teeth. “I. Fucking. Hate. You. In the most platonic sense possible, too.”

“Don't hurt me,” you plead, feeling kinda stupid and helpless, and he lets go of your scarf with a scoff.

“Oh fuck off, Ampora. Look at me. Okay. I'm going to say this very plainly, understand? I fucking hate you. I hate you because you decided it was a worthwhile use of your executive functioning to blow holes in people I fucking give a shit about, and regardless of whether you managed to save some fucking lives, you ruined just as many. Nepeta has to talk to her fucking matesprit in her sleep -” Nep glances at you- “and Kanaya's going to have a fucking grisly ass scar right through her stomach for the rest of her life. Have I said anything about the fucking matriorb? The existence of our race? I hope you're not so utterly pan-fried that you don't realize why THAT'S fucking important. Not to mention I might have given a few shits about Gamzee? Have you considered that? Some of us care about the stupid clown guy, whether or not he's a bit of a homocidal maniac-- which – oh, wait! You don't even have the right to point THAT out. Fucking revoked because you're even WORSE of a homocidal maniac, mister kill all lowbloods. Fuck you and Fuck everyone in your fucking sign and their moirail. I hate you.”

He pauses. He takes a very deep breath. You shudder, waiting for him to tear you to shreds, pull off your earfins and eat your gills for breakfast but then he starts up again.

“But for FUCKS sake, Ampora, you're not the only living being on this meteor who has ruined lives. I'm not going to fucking attack you for that. Have you seen me take a blow at Serket? Oh wait! You've been hiding in a fucking pipe for the last four perigrees! For fucks sake, get a fucking _life_. I know youre fucking scared but I'm Karkat _fucking_ Vantas and I cant believe you'd think I'd stoop that low. Me, of all people. Really.”

Another pause. He sighs and rubs his forehead. “Look, I'm really fucking tired.”

You chew on your lip.

“Oh and watch out for Kanaya. She's really fucking angry and she _will_ tear you to shreds, bulgeface.”

You shiver.

He turns his attention away from you entirely. “Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Yeah! Shore!” Oh yeah, Nep was there for Karkat's entire rant. Okay. Makes sense.

You scoot to the end of the couch and nibble on a finger, not really paying attention to the romcom Karkat stuck in.

You pay more attention to the way Karkat is paying attention. However much he 'platonically fucking hates you' you really, really missed him.

 

You spend the next day in your block.

It's boring.

 _I'll go out tomorrow_ , you tell yourself in the mirror, rubbing your earfins because Fef used to do it to calm you down back when you were quadranted. You have a feeling you need a moirail but the only even slightly valid candidate already has a palemate.

I'll go out tomorrow. I'll face Kan tomorrow.

You decaptchalouge all your weapons – wand, a couple guns, a kitchen knife you picked up somewhere… and lean them against the corner of the room. If she triggers your fight response, maybe you wont hurt her. You giggle through your hands, staring at the wand.

You know, maybe magic IS real. How else would you have gotten this far? You remember your conversation with terezi. 'a lotta bullshit and a cat girl'. Hah.

You decide you should tell her about the latest developments to her righteous scheme.

 

– caligulasAquarium [ca] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [gc]! –

CA: hey ter  
CA: ivve decided im gonna face kan tomorroww  
GC: GOOD LUCK F1SH BOY!  
CA: thanks  
GC: NO PROB >:]  
CA: wwhere havve you been anywway  
GC: WH4T DO YOU M34N  
CA: ivve been hangin out in the community areas for a feww days noww and I havvent seen you  
GC: 1V3 B33N CH1LL1NG W1TH VR1SK4 4 LOT L4T3LY  
CA: I thought you didnt like her  
GC: 1 DONT KNOW HOW 1 F33L 4BOUT H3R 4CTU4LLY  
CA: fair  
CA: I got the same problem wwith kar  
GC: OH NO L4Y OFF K4RKL3S H3 D3S3RV3S B3TT3R  
CA: thats nice  
GC: 4R3NT 1 JUST  
CA: anywway  
CA: ill be in the main rumpus block tomorroww if you wwanna see the showw  
GC: 1LL K33P TH4T 1N … M1ND  
CA: hope… to see ya there  
CA: bye  
GC: BY3!!  


– caligulasAquarium [ca] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [gc]! –

 

You bring light reading. Might as well keep yourself entertained.

More specifically, you bring an alchemized copy of Mindfang's journal. Vriska came through to tease you about having a fake and you just let her do it. You're a little proud of yourself for that.

You reread the single sentence regarding your ancestor's death about fifteen times.

Killed by GHB. Gamzee isn't here. Vriska killed tavros…. How the tables have turned. You think about this for a moment. That just leaves kan killing you. Or. Terezi killing Vriska. Or both.

1 DONT KNOW HOW 1 F33L 4BOUT H3R 4CTU4LLY

Hmm.

If everyone turned around, wouldn't Karkat have killed Equius? Sollux would have killed Feferi. Or maybe, Nepeta would save Equius from death. You killing Gam, Vris killing Tav… those are definitely backwards. Hypothetically, it could be you killing Vris, since Mindfang sent the deadly message to GHB in the first place.

How different would things be now if the Dolorosa HAD killed Dualscar?

You suppose you get a little lost in this fantasy, because you don't notice when the Strider boy walks in, all decked out in a cape that seems somewhat more functional and comfortable than your own and fuzzy red pants. And shades. He had red eyes, right? Why would a human need to hide them, though? Isn't their society free of the hemospectrum?

“Hey, I haven't seen you around,” he says, making himself a cup of coffee. “Want some?”

“Oh, uh, sure,” you say, a little taken aback. You'd forgotten the taste of stranger-esque politeness-- you suppose Dave is the only one who hasn't got a vested interest in your demise or lack thereof. At this point, having far beyond repaid their debt for saving their lives, you're not sure why Nep and Eq still care about you, but you're not going to question it.

He hands you a cup of coffee and offers you a hand. Right. Hand shaking ritual. You grasp it.

“Hey. My name's Dave. Nice to meet ya. Nice earrings.”

“Eridan.”

He sips his coffee. “That's what I thought.”

You want to mention his cape but you lower your fins a little and refrain, drinking the coffee. It's far to bitter but you pretend you don't care.

“So you're the pipes boy. What did you do again? Kill people? You're not nearly as flamboyant about it as Vriska is.”

“Don't remind me,” you mutter. You wish you had the huge collar of your cape to hide your face in the way you used to-- but then again, it also made you look like a dick, so maybe it's for the best-- and you bury your face in your coffee mug as much as you can, instead.

“So why'd you decide to come out?”

“...Kan's gonna kill me eventually anyway, gotta get it ov-ver with...”

The line of Dave's mouth hardens, almost inperceiveably. “That's shitty. I would have liked to get to know who you are before I condemned you to certain death.”

“She know-ws v-very much who I am.”

“Hey. I getcha. And I know this sounds crazy or whatever, but I was talking about me. I'm not throwing out any fancy hypotheticals on the line of thought Kanaya might be running because frankly that isn't my business and while she's a lovely lady, I'm not her. I would like to know what sorta asshole you qualify as before I considered throwing you into a pit of vipers, you know? If you were in my sicknasty prison, I'd make sure I was sure you hadn't already paid for your crime before I gave you extra punishment for you. Not saying that you have paid for your crime, because murder is one of those wild and less determinable sins, but you know what I mean. I might consider lowering the charges if you weren't as much of an asshole as everyone considered you to be, even. Just let rats nibble off your toes maybe. Saw off your horns and pin them to a wall. That'd be cool. You've got cool horns, by the way. Like lightning. Wow, that sounds like something out of harry potter. Have you guys got a troll harry potter? What's it like? You're a wuh-wizard, scary.”

You sink into your chair. “Wow. You're almost w-worse than Kar.”

“That's me. Dave 'worse than kar' Strider. In the flesh.”

You giggle.

Enter Rose and Terezi, from the left. “Ah, half the ensemble is already here,” Rose comments, going to fetch herself a cup of that too strong coffee. “Where is Kanaya?”

“She was getting something from horse boy last time I checked, I think,” Dave said, throwing his arms up behind his head. He's still holding the coffee mug so you suppose he must have finished his, too.

“W-what does she need from Eq?” You sit up.

“She said something about alternate timelines and shades. I don't know. I can't really picture her wearing his shades, but then again. She is a pure badass and I wouldn't put it past her.”

You don't quite get how wearing shades makes her a badass. You frown at Dave. Then again, he's wearing shades. Maybe he wears them because he thinks they're cool? You clean your glasses pointedly and then glance at Terezi, who's just standing there, leaning forward on her cane.

“I can smell you looking at me, douchefin. I'm just here for the show.”

“That's true, I did invite ya.”

She makes fingerguns at you and grins her rediculous, pointy-toothed grin. You scratch a persistent itchy spot right behind your left horn and try to ignore her.

Then Kanaya enters with a bang. If there was a door, you're pretty sure she would have knocked it off its hinges. She looks livid. Her skin glows white, her eyes less orange than they should be-- more like, yellow, her teeth bared. You take a deep breath, a ball of fear settling in your stomach and refusing to budge, somehow managing to make your head hurt while it's at it. She's holding her lipstick.

(oh god. You are going to die.)

You stand up slowly, trying your hardest to look as un-intimidating as possible. _Slump, Eridan, push your fins back and down-- no signs of violence, look up at her, not like a highblood, you're her fucking slave, you're at her mercy_ –

She stands right in front of you and stands up to full height and fucking growls and you cower even more before she grabs you by the neck with one hand and slams you into a wall, forcing you upright.

“Are you sorry?” she asks, and it's more of a hiss than anything, making you flinch.

“Y-yes, lady maryam, I'm so sorry, I-”

“Oh shut up, fuck you.” She sounds like Karkat. It makes something stir in your chest but the look on her face is too frightening for old pale feelings and her glow is starting to make your eyes ache terribly. She's holding a chainsaw now, lipstick gone.

“You know what happens in other timelines, right? In most timelines? You're a lucky bastard, Eridan Ampora. This is the only one where you get this far.”

You quiver.

“Would you like me to demonstrate?”

You take a deep breath and don't say anything because what is there to say? She knows the answer. Of course you don't. But there's nothing in this world you can do to stop her if she decides to.

“Do you not have a weapon with you? Not even a shitty wand? That's disappointing. That ruins this a little bit. Oh well.”

“You… w-wanted me to hav-ve a w-weapon?”

“Not to fight with, but yes. I'll admit, I was hoping you'd bring your science wand. At least ten of me get to break it in half.”

“M-maybe you can do it later.”

“I suppose so.” She lets go of you so you're free to move a little, but you don't. You want nothing more than to sink right into the wall and vanish.

She presses her chainsaw to your waist and you're just about ready to say goodbye to your existence when someone puts a hand on her shoulder – Rose Lalonde, bless her soul-- and suggests that Kan use something a little less deadly if she doesn't actually want me dead.

“Like what?” she asks, somewhat returned to her normal, amenable self, when pain explodes in your left earfin with a wet THOCK and you think you almost pass out.

“Whoops, sorry Danny,” comes a voice from somewhere.

“Dave!” someone else yells. “We do not throw knives in the common room.”

“Thank you Dave,” comes Kan's smooth, calm voice, and something rips into your earfin again. She catches you when your knees buckle. “Oh no you don't. I'm not done.” She slaps your face, but in all honesty you're a little too numb for it to do much.

You're not sure what hurts more-- your earfin, or your waist, once she starts cutting you right between your second and third gill, and you twitch because your instincts are telling you to protect that area but you have to keep your arms down, Kan might be strong because she's a drinker but she's still not a highblood –

At some point, she turns you around, slamming your uninjured earfin into the wall, and cuts right across your spine, and then she takes the knife away and you think she licks it- ewww.

“I don't think I actually do this in the other timelines but I'm hungry,” she comments, and then she's biting down on your neck and you don't have enough nerves to actually feel any pain anymore. The world sort of mutes itself and you think that your earfins might have flattened so thoroughly that the little covers for your earholes have plugged them closed.

You don't really notice when she leaves but you notice that she's gone and you're bleeding, and you take off your scarf – which at this point is bloody and ruined anyway, who cares – and tie it around the cut on your waist. A little voice in your head tells you that it's gonna scar. You tell it to shut up.

You're fucking alive, and you think you giggle, but sound still isn't travelling quite right for land and you can't actually tell.

 

You hear voices but it sounds like you're underwater and Fef's talking to you from the surface-- is that Fef? You're in pain, but you're not sure why and you feel heavy like you're still on land.

Who is she talking to?

You feel your earfins relaxing and for some reason they unplug, which, no, they shouldn't do that underwater, that's dangerous, but your body is telling you you're not underwater so why did they plug in the first place? Everything hurts and you kind of want to cry.

_It's hard and nobody understands._

No no that's not right, everybody gets it, everyone knows, just no one gives a fuck, no one cares, and then you sort of realize that Feferi doesn't cat-pun and she also isn't friends with Eq last time you checked and then you remember she's dead and you killed her and you stop trying to care anymore.

 

You wake up.

You're lying on a couch.

Your couch.

You blink at the ceiling. You have a blanket? There's your cape, you recognize the texture, but there's also an actual blanket. Who the hell went to the trouble of giving you a blanket?

You try to sit up but it hurts unexpectedly and you just stay where you are for a few moments, breathing through your mouth and taking stock.

Your ear hurts. Not too much, you're not overly worried. Your neck hurts, your head hurts, your waist hurts a fuck ton. Okay. You're alive, someone's been taking care of you. You feel around along your waist and encounter bandages. Okay. _Okay. We can do this, right Danny?_ You take a deep breath, and try to sit up, slower this time.

Your head clangs, but it works. Your mouth feels dry. Blood loss? You feel the bite marks on your neck and sort of remember Kanaya saying she was hungry.

You look to your left and find that there's a pitcher and glass of water sitting next to you. Okay, so someone thought about that. Gegus, is Equius a fucking mediculler or something? You knew he could clean up a wound, but holy hell.

You drink the first glass of water too quickly and almost puke and realize that maybe that's not the best idea, and slow down. By the time you finish the pitcher, your mouth feels a little less like sandpaper, and you think you can risk standing. Maybe making something to eat. And then going and fucking thanking Eq and Nep because they're definitely the ones who fixed you up, no one else gives that many shits and you're also not sure anyone else has any level of medical expertize (maybe kan does? You wouldn't put it past her) but you remember Equius sewing up his own arm once with a grimace after cutting it by accident with a shard of flying metal during one of his stupid robot fights and... yea it has to be them.

You are dizzy and tired by the time you reach the Meowrail's block. Nep sticks her tongue out at you – she's sitting next to... Rose, okay, who appears to be teaching her how to knit? You lower yourself out of the vent very carefully because you still feel like you're going to fall over, and you land on your ass. Rose smiles at you.

“Kanaya forgives you, by the way,” she says.

“An' she couldn't forgiv-ve me in person or anyfin? Right.”

“Oh please. Don't pretend you're the only one this whole business has been traumatic for. Have a little respect. Add a loop there.” You do a double take and realize the last bit was aimed at nepeta, who sticks her tongue between her teeth and focuses on whatever it is she's making.

“Oh yea, I was gonna thank you, Nep. You an' Eq really did me a solid.”

“It's no purroblem, Furryfin,” Nepeta grins, and you can't help a chuckle at the absolute punny maiming of your hatchname.

“I'm gonna wait for Eq to come back.”

“Mew dont have to dew that! I can tell him fur you.”

“Whale I… don't think I quite hav-ve it in me to make it all the way back to my room quite yet… to be honest...”

Rose crosses her legs. “There might be hope for you left, Douchefin.”

You start.

“I don't know, hope ain't my forte.”

“give it time,” is all she says, returning her attention to the knitting at hand.

 

– gallowsCalibrator [gc] began trolling caligulasAquarium [ca]! –

GC: M1SS1ON 4CCOMPL1SH3D  
GC: K1TTY G1RL DO3SNT 3V3N H4V3 TO CROSS YOU OFF H3R SH1PP1NG CH4RTS!  


– gallowsCalibrator [gc] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [ca]! –

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tried my hardest to keep Kanaya in character. She'll make more appearances later, and this one is kinda biased since it's eridan's pov. She's a badass. Whoops.  
> [Shades: Descend.](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=005438)

**Author's Note:**

> I know... ONLY a pesterlog this chapter? I have the second chapter finished, don't worry, it'll post soon.  
> Thanks again to my beta, not-erix  
>  pesterlogs are hell   
> as a note-- i know that eridan thinks that he's going to die in a few months. this series has a happy ending, don't worry.  
> special thanks to b4d-c4t on tumblr for being my second in the RP that spawned this pesterlog.


End file.
